Not only is October the time to brush up on Holiday baking and other various domestic duties, it is also the time to brush up on Fall Fashion and look forward to Spring 2010 trends. I have come across several new "trends" and I need your opinion. Sometimes (especially in the case of the sequined forehead heart) it is tough to differentiate the outrageously awful from the outrageously fabulous fashion idea:
1.) Sequin Heart on forehead? Lindsey Lohan was the artistic advisor for Ungaro's collection--made its debut in Paris this past week. Sexy? Office appropriate?
2.) "Mantyhose"---by lingerie designer Unconditional. Should I buy these for my (somewhere out there) boyfriend??
3.) "Tufted" fur jackets? Will PETA allow this? I do live in the Northeast, tough territory.
4.) "Baby Bump Pad" by Jean Paul Gaultier - I'm not pregnant, but isn't this the sexiest???!!!
Thanks for all your advice.
Sincerely,
Is the Baby Bump a Good Way to Get a Date?
Dear ITBBAGWTGAD,
I'd like to begin this column by thanking ITBBAGWTGAD for addressing this critical topic. Although recent data suggest that the world financial markets are on the road to recovery, we are still plagued by news of lay-offs around the country, which means that you, readers, need to act swiftly and shrewdly when it comes to making your spring fashion choices. Appearance is everything, and you wouldn't want to find out that you ended up on the chopping block because you wore the wrong shoes with your mantyhose.
First of all, let's be very clear on something: We here in the general populace cannot be relied upon to make avant-garde and fashion-forward decisions about our clothing. This is why we have fashion designers. Were it not for fashion designers, people would wear pajamas to work, high heels wouldn't exist, and President Barack Obama would give his state of the union address wearing nothing more than a fleece bathrobe and a shower cap, and we as a society wouldn't think anything of it. The only thing saving us from sinking to such depravity and comfort is the fashion community, and we should always defer to their judgment. If they send a woman down the runway wearing a hunting vest and a box of fish sticks, you should grab your rifle and tartar sauce and walk with confidence.
Unfortunately, due to strict, unwritten social guidelines, some items are not appropriate for some situations. So, while a giant sequin forehead heart might be considered acceptable or even desirable in a private equity firm, a rheumatologist's office might frown upon it, or at least only allow it on Fridays. The same goes for the tufted fur jacket. Many clubs and bars will ONLY allow you onto the premises if your clothing appears to serve no function whatsoever and is made from sloth carcasses, whereas other establishments have standing orders to club you to death if you wear anything other than a garment made entirely from recycled flaxseed. In these situations, you should use your best judgment, or ask a friend who might be familiar with the scene. If you can't gauge the dress code, it is ALWAYS best to err on the side of caution and wear your mantyhose.
As for the cutting-edge maternity shirt from Jean Paul Gaultier, I can think of no other single piece of maternity attire that says, "I am a classy, confident pregnant woman, and I shall wear this beautiful shirt that resembles--in both style and comfort level--a gladiator breastplate." You should wear this top regardless of your pregnancy status, as I can say with total confidence that this garment will net you a lot of attention from 19-year-old drunk college students, people who like to re-enact ancient battle scenes, and men who are legally blind.
Good luck navigating the fashion waters, readers!
Sincerely,
Aunt Slugger
(Photos courtesy www.nymag.com)
1.) Sequin Heart on forehead? Lindsey Lohan was the artistic advisor for Ungaro's collection--made its debut in Paris this past week. Sexy? Office appropriate?
2.) "Mantyhose"---by lingerie designer Unconditional. Should I buy these for my (somewhere out there) boyfriend??
3.) "Tufted" fur jackets? Will PETA allow this? I do live in the Northeast, tough territory.
4.) "Baby Bump Pad" by Jean Paul Gaultier - I'm not pregnant, but isn't this the sexiest???!!!
Thanks for all your advice.
Sincerely,
Is the Baby Bump a Good Way to Get a Date?
Dear ITBBAGWTGAD,
I'd like to begin this column by thanking ITBBAGWTGAD for addressing this critical topic. Although recent data suggest that the world financial markets are on the road to recovery, we are still plagued by news of lay-offs around the country, which means that you, readers, need to act swiftly and shrewdly when it comes to making your spring fashion choices. Appearance is everything, and you wouldn't want to find out that you ended up on the chopping block because you wore the wrong shoes with your mantyhose.
First of all, let's be very clear on something: We here in the general populace cannot be relied upon to make avant-garde and fashion-forward decisions about our clothing. This is why we have fashion designers. Were it not for fashion designers, people would wear pajamas to work, high heels wouldn't exist, and President Barack Obama would give his state of the union address wearing nothing more than a fleece bathrobe and a shower cap, and we as a society wouldn't think anything of it. The only thing saving us from sinking to such depravity and comfort is the fashion community, and we should always defer to their judgment. If they send a woman down the runway wearing a hunting vest and a box of fish sticks, you should grab your rifle and tartar sauce and walk with confidence.
Unfortunately, due to strict, unwritten social guidelines, some items are not appropriate for some situations. So, while a giant sequin forehead heart might be considered acceptable or even desirable in a private equity firm, a rheumatologist's office might frown upon it, or at least only allow it on Fridays. The same goes for the tufted fur jacket. Many clubs and bars will ONLY allow you onto the premises if your clothing appears to serve no function whatsoever and is made from sloth carcasses, whereas other establishments have standing orders to club you to death if you wear anything other than a garment made entirely from recycled flaxseed. In these situations, you should use your best judgment, or ask a friend who might be familiar with the scene. If you can't gauge the dress code, it is ALWAYS best to err on the side of caution and wear your mantyhose.
As for the cutting-edge maternity shirt from Jean Paul Gaultier, I can think of no other single piece of maternity attire that says, "I am a classy, confident pregnant woman, and I shall wear this beautiful shirt that resembles--in both style and comfort level--a gladiator breastplate." You should wear this top regardless of your pregnancy status, as I can say with total confidence that this garment will net you a lot of attention from 19-year-old drunk college students, people who like to re-enact ancient battle scenes, and men who are legally blind.
Good luck navigating the fashion waters, readers!
Sincerely,
Aunt Slugger
(Photos courtesy www.nymag.com)
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