Here at Aunt Slugger headquarters, we spend a lot of time reviewing the news for articles that your Aunt Slugger finds relevant to her throngs of devoted readers. Sometimes these articles inspire us to make the world a more beautiful place. Sometimes these articles remind us that, even in our darkest hour, we are never alone. And sometimes these stories are just examples of solid news reporting.
But today the Aunt Slugger News Team happened upon this article about how gun shops saw record sales the day after the Sandy Hook massacre in Newtown, Connecticut.
I will pause for a moment while you think about that.
Your Aunt Slugger is not here today to debate the right to bear arms, or the root causes of the Sandy Hook massacre, since I am confident that we will soon come to a consensus on these matters via Facebook status updates and anonymous comments on news articles. No, I am here today to warn my readers of a bigger threat, and that is
PEOPLE WHO BUY GUNS THE DAY AFTER A MASSACRE BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE GUN POLICY WILL CHANGE IN LESS THAN FORTY-EIGHT HOURS.
Think about this for a moment. Here we have a group of people who are aware of the Sandy Hook massacre because they responded to it by stockpiling weapons (I think it is safe to infer causality in this instance). So we know that these people are at least somewhat literate, or minimally do not have impaired hearing and comprehension skills. So it would stand to reason that these people are, nominally, dimly aware of the United States Congress and/or their state legislatures. So even if they don't know specifically how to repeal a Constitutional Amendment, they should at least know that our politicians will fight about fucking anything.
And the right to bear arms is not a Thin Mint issue, either. People love the fuck out of their weaponry. So I think we can assume with a high degree of certainty that repealing the Second Amendment, or even just preventing people from exercising their right to shoot themselves in the thigh, is not going to happen overnight. Or in a week. So you can probably give it a little time before you hit your local arms dealer to make sure your rocket launcher is grandfathered in.
Yet people mobbed gun shops the day after the massacre because they thought gun policy would change instantly. Which means that they are exhibiting an unprecedented degree of ignorance. And...they're armed. THEY'RE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS, AND NOW THEY'RE ARMED.
Think about that.
Happy Holidays.
Sincerely,
Your Aunt Slugger
