Dear Aunt Slugger,
I was hoping to receive your comments on this situation. What would you say if you found out that a 32-year-old man is going on vacation to DisneyWorld with his parents and an occasional girlfriend? FYI, the parents are funding the entire vacation.
Regards,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
This poor man. How very sad. You didn't mention it in your letter, but I can only assume that he has lost his job and is dying of some kind of awful, debilitating terminal illness, because that is the only reason I can think of that a grown man would let his parents pay for him and his pseudo-girlfriend to go to DisneyWorld. It's such a tragedy to see a young man leave this mortal coil so early, before he's had a chance to really -
Dear Aunt Slugger,
Please allow me to clarify. He is not dying of a terminal illness, nor has he lost his job. He actually earns an excellent salary and is in good health.
Regards again,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Well, OK, fuck him then.
Folks, as an advice columnist, I am ethically bound to issue the following public service announcement:
If you are a grown adult, and your parents offer to take you and your on-again, off-again girlfriend/boyfriend to DisneyWorld, the polite (and correct) response is as follows:
"Thanks, Mom and Dad. I would enjoy nothing more than to ride Big Thunder Mountain with you and this woman/man that I've been casually sleeping with for the past couple of weeks. That being said, since I am 32 years of age, and since I have a job, and since I am not a big fucking tool, I will pay for my own flight, hotel, tickets, and fried dough."
Your Aunt Slugger is not opposed to DisneyWorld. I'm not even opposed to adults going to DisneyWorld with their parents. I've been to DisneyWorld as an adult, and I will freely admit that I can't get enough of that shit and am always the first person to jump in line to meet Goofy or get Donald Duck's autograph. The takeaway here is not that DisneyWorld is inherently bad, but that letting your senior citizen parents pay for you and the person you just met in a bathroom stall at a truck stop to go to DisneyWorld makes you the world's biggest asshole.
Now, granted, part of the problem is that the type of parents who would fund such a trip are also the type of parents who would produce the type of deadbeat loser that would accept such an offer, so it's definitely a chicken/egg conundrum. Who's at fault more? The kid for accepting the generosity, or the parents for not using a condom back in 1978?
I will leave you to ponder that philosophical question.
Sincerely,
Aunt Slugger
stab me in the heart, auntie. my inlaws are taking all their kids/their spouses and grandmonsters on an all-expense paid disney trip next spring for a late christmas gift. am i totally douchey for accepting? i mean, i was going to insist on paying for my own fried dough.
ReplyDeleteDear Molly,
ReplyDeleteNo, you are not a douche. So long as you don't bring a prostitute that you met in a police holding cell, you are totally fine.
I say this because grandparents (i.e. your in-laws, i.e. the grandparents of your children) are totally different animals altogether. During a recent visit to my grandmother's house, we stopped by a Super Target so that I could buy some travel items. She was picking up a watermelon while we were there, so I just added the watermelon to my order. When she realized that I had paid for the watermelon, she became so irate that I was fearful for my life. The watermelon cost me around $3, but she attempted to give me a twenty dollar bill for it. I do honestly believe that she would murder me in my sleep if I tried to pay for any sort of family trip to DisneyWorld. So your accepting the trip to Disney is as much self-preservation as it is a favor to your in-laws.
Sincerely,
Aunt Slugger