Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Dear Aunt Slugger,

So what did you do this morning while you were getting your oil changed for the first time in six thousand miles/one year?

Sincerely,

Norm in Grand Forks

Dear Norm,

Well, your Aunt Slugger is slogging through the last chapters of a book called "The Beautiful Cigar Girl," which is about Edgar Allan Poe's attempt to solve a real-life murder using a fictional story. Your Aunt Slugger has a tendency to read ABOUT authors without suffering the indignity of reading their actual work. I like reading about authors because they are usually sloppy messes. (This is why I also like reading about investment professionals, religious zealots, and Ayn Rand fans.)

I did read the occasional Poe poem or short story in high school, but I've never been a literature buff, especially when it comes to poetry. I honestly cannot discern between the tragic ramblings of a semi-literate teenage girl who can't find a prom dress and anything ever written by Sylvia Plath. But I do like history, particularly the history of weird people, so I am moderately well-read for someone who hates poetry and enjoys eating bar cheez out of the tub.

Anyway, so I had some time to kill during my 1.5 hour oil change, and I came across a reference to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in my book. Since I know nothing about him (and certainly have no intention of learning about him by reading his poetry), I decided to see if Amazon had any biographies of him. I came across this one.

The book itself is fairly non-descript and exactly the sort of bullshit that your Aunt Slugger would read, save for the fact that Longfellow may be the exception to the writers-as-walking-insane-asylums rule. What I like most about this book is not the book itself but one of the Amazon.com reviews of the book, from "Rob Jacques, Technical Writer:"

"Of course you know Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was once literarily important and famous. Of course you've read 'Paul Revere's Ride,' 'The Wreck of the Hesperus,' 'The Children's Hour,' and 'A Psalm of Life.' And one of your favorite Christmas carols has always been 'Christmas Bells.'"

I, for one, am personally relieved that we have Rob Jacques, Technical Writer, to remind us what we have and have not read and which Christmas carols we do and do not enjoy. And there is no better place to jog our memory about these matters than in an Amazon.com review. 

I am truly hopeful that he offers a class on writing pretentious multi-paragraph product reviews.

And then I look forward to reading a biography about him. 

Sincerely, 

Aunt Slugger